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Article: SO you think you're smutty?

SO you think you're smutty? - Elsie & Fred

SO you think you're smutty?

We believe smutty minds aren’t born, but they’re made. How smutty are you? Play the quiz at your own risk..... may cause arousal, loss of clothes & googling sex toys. Viewer discretion is advised. NOT! Well maybe....

 Let’s start things off Tame…we will let you know your Smut Score at the end, just keep note of your letters!

If asked what’s the perfect setting when it comes to sex, many an advice column will suggest hitting the lights. But what’s your take? 


Anyone who has tried it will tell you water is definitely NOT a lubricant, but do you like sloshing around in some kinda Mermaid fantasy or is it not for you?

Did we just give you flashbacks of lockdown phone sex whilst touching yourself with one hand that smells of banana loaf? Or are we fully here for it?


 Should fanny flutters exist beyond spit or that ONE mint shower gel everyone happens to have? Make note of your verdict on heat sensitive lubes….

Piss play, water sports, however you want to call it.... What are your thoughts on being the recipient of a shower of gold?


You can pretty much count on two things when it comes to sex in public places: anyone who says they’ve never thought about it is lying, & anyone who says they do it all the time and have never been caught is lying. What are your thoughts baby?


Most ppl dread stripping down & spreading for their gynaecologist, much less an esthetician armed with hot wax…. But is the silky smooth, sexy feeling you get leaving the salon worth it for you? 

Channel 4's titillation has Anna Richardson guide singles into stripping off & voting each other based on their Sexual & Physical preferences. Is it a bit of harmless fun OR toxic as hell?

You maintain a pretty good balance of sugar & spice. You won’t take crap from anyone, nor will you play everything safe. You’re vocal about your smutty side around those you trust most & appear mysterious to new people in your love life.

Catergory says it all bruv. You keep things tame & naughty, but can fearlessly switch on your magnetism in an instant. Anyone would be BLESSED to know you on a romantic level. Stay just as naughty & nice as you are!

God made you with two extra batches of hot sauce baby. With your “Go bad or go home” approach, life is a never ending smutty list of rules to break & drama to whip up. The last time you used restraint was probs with handcuffs & a bedpost!

Oh baby- you’re a badass bombshell! You can be both outwardly sexual and mysterious depending on who you’re around. Whoever that person is though, GOD are they lucky!  You’re the fire everyone NEEDS in their life so keep killin’ it!


SO how did you do? You happy with your Smut Score?

Comment below and let us know baby!

1 comment

Mostly D’s couple of c’s

Sharon Cooke

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